I keep finding myself in the disappointing situation of putting off the things I really want to start or get into. Each time, I have this revelation of motivation and drive, but keep falling short. I feel like it’s been a topic of many of my posts, including the ones where I talk about how I haven’t posted.
I’ve seen this section flourish and dwindle with each goal I’ve set. I set goals publicly and via my blog because it gives me a sense of accountability, but so far, I’m not off to a good start. I have this ever-growing list of things I want to accomplish, goals I want to meet, blogs I want to write, and it seems like I can’t make a dent.
But this time, instead of beating myself up over it and committing to some extravagant goal, I just want to take a step back.
In all these goals I set, the ultimate intention that ties them all together is to be a better version of myself. I’ve only reached this point in my life because I’ve strived for more. I am not striving for perfection, though it may seem that way, and I know that if I ever find myself feeling like I have no more room to grow, I’ve done something wrong. I believe in human potential and I would love to live my life working to find mine.
A very loved one said something to me recently that I already knew about myself. It’s a part of my personality that makes my life better and worse at the same time. She didn’t intend to hurt my feelings, but it was the first time I internally acknowledged it and it really took hold.
Sometimes, I work too hard. And that was brought to my attention in a different way. Like I said, it hurt at first and I was almost angry, but that was just me smacking into the reality check. I don’t want to say specifically what the comment was because I don’t want her to feel like there was a line crossed. In the end, I needed to hear it. So before I go and set a goal to magically fix it, I want to spend some time with these thoughts. To think about what I can do to find balance. I have some ideas, but this is important. I feel that once I find my way in this situation, it could be life altering. It’s a tricky trait to overcome, because to do so means I need to work with it—confusing, right?
For this, measuring success isn’t via something tangible. I can’t see a difference in photos or in the mirror. I can’t keep track of a number or set a date of completion. I don’t even know what route I should take yet. But there is a beauty in that and I believe it’s exactly what I need.
So for now, my goal is to step back, think about the details of my end game, and start making a path for myself, one day at a time.