It’s a rainy, “gloomy” day here in Delaware today. It’s the quintessential “curl up with a good book and blanket with an indie playlist running in the background” kind of day—the kind of day that makes you wish you weren’t working so you could actually have that kind of day for once.
Well, the day was rather mediocre until about an hour or so ago when my mental pot boiled over. It was more of a gentle bubble or simmer, but I reached a threshold nonetheless. Nothing earth-shattering—really a 3/10 on the stress scale; just one of those days when there were too many thoughts and not enough space in my head. A day when I needed to stray the path so I could stop walking in circles. There was a small oversight on my part yesterday that will make the rest of my work-week a little more pressured. Certainly nothing I can’t work around, but annoying news when the day is supposed to be winding down.
Since I start my work day by 6:30 every morning, I was technically done for the day. I start work early for a very simple reason: I don’t like working past 3pm. I am a morning person through and through and, once lunchtime hits, time seems to slow down right alongside me. I work in the morning because A. I am doing myself a service by taking advantage of my motivation and energy and B. for my clients, who deserve my A game when I am running that clock.
So when I began to feel like nothing productive would come from working any more, I decided to take a break. I sat back in my chair and tried to think of what I would do to get my mind off things so I could come back refreshed. I did what I do many times throughout my day to start: took a walk.
I decided on that walk that I would write a blog post—wasn’t sure what it would be about until I was standing at the edge of a massive puddle blocking the path I take. All day, I’d been walking that path with my umbrella in hand—proud of myself for getting out and taking my usual walks, even in the rain. But in my search for an emotional and mental release, I noticed how I was walking so gingerly through the puddle all day, even though I was wearing sandals I ruined this weekend while refinishing our new breakfast table.
I stopped and thought to myself, “Why am I walking so carefully through this puddle? What is actually stopping me from jumping and running in it right now? I don’t have to go anywhere; I am not wearing shoes I’m concerned with; why the heck don’t I just jump in??” I decided, since there was nothing stopping me from doing so, that I would walk the lane one more time and jump in on my way back. As I crossed the puddle, I did so less carefully, but there was still a nervousness and excitement as I thought about actually doing it.
I’m not being metaphorical. There’s a deeper meaning, but I’m totally serious haha.
I work each and every day to be optimistic—it comes easier than it used to, but I still work at it. I’ve spent a lot of my life being cynical and distant. I went through a period when acknowledging my stress, anxiety, upset, heartbreak, etc. was nonexistent. I cut people out, I spoke to no one about my truths, not even myself. It was only after hitting my rock bottom that I realized how important it is to allow myself to work through stuff, big and small.
Life is pretty damn amazing right now. I have a ton going on and, while not all of it is peachy, I choose to feel and work through the bad and hold onto the good. I had a rough day. Not for any one reason, but just because I felt down. So I jumped in the puddle. I even went back and jumped in again, with a running start, after I realized I didn’t do so the first time with complete recklessness.
Things will always get better, just like they will always get worse; that’s why it’s important to find ways to bring yourself happiness each and every day, in whichever way works best for you—big or small.
So tonight, I will continue my self-care, so that I can wake up tomorrow, feeling optimistic and focused. I don’t want to steal from another post I want to do eventually and dive in further, but the message is to take care of yourself each and every day. Do things for you and be willing to jump in a puddle once in a while.
And that, my dears.. is my tiny two cents. ❤
Photo by Joshua K. Jackson